Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Hunger Pains

Image source: By Caroline Léna Becker - Self-photographed, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19246428

Hunger Pains

It falls to dust
I can hear her gabbing
I can feel her grabbing
At the things that I trust

Unknown face I reflect
Genuflect, lose respect
In the power of lust

Freely spreading her legs
Freely shedding my dread
Penetrating my crust

I can feel it too much
But it’s not enough

I see where I should be inside of joy
But I destroy
And she reduces me to aching boy
Her willing toy

I want it all
She knows I want it all
I want it all
She knows, that’s why she calls

I wanted more
She was seeing what’s up
I was filling my cup
With whatever she poured

I was drinking fine wine
Feelin fine while online
We were down on all fours

We filled-up on new blends
I filled-up on her friend
Knocking at her back door

I can feel it too much
But it’s not enough to feel

I see where I should be inside of joy
When she plays coy
But she reduces me to lover’s ploy
And I enjoy

I want it all
She knows I want it all
I want it all
She knows, that’s why I fall

I want to feel all the things
And I’ll self-destruct with bad luck
As I gamble with safety that clarity brings

I know the folly of sin
But I feel my pulse, less repulsing
Than repressing myself before I begin.
** *

Written for and shared to dVerse Poets Poetics: Even Monkeys Fall from Trees. The prompt is to think of a mistake that we made and something positive that we gleaned from said mistake. Lessons learned and whatnot.

I went with the series of mistakes I made as I came of age in high school, thanks mostly to my poor self-esteem (my poor self-esteem is a recurring wellspring of inspiration). My high school girlfriend dumped me, but then begged me to take her back after the dude she was sweet on dumped her. Not only did I take her back, but I rushed into marriage with her right after high school. I knew she didn’t respect me, but it was better than being alone for the rest of my life, which was a very real possibility to young, naïve me.

Soon after joining the Navy and travelling abroad, I discovered how very wrong I was about being alone for the rest of my life. I discovered that there were some women who were actually attracted to me. I had the power to choose instead of settling. Once my possibilities popped wide open, I got a bit greedy (read: lost my freaking mind) and things went off the rails for a bit. But, yeah, that was decades ago…

The poem represents the speaker’s eyes opening to new possibilities. Or something. Christ, probably TMI, but fuck it.

Go here to read other dVerse Poets’ contributions.



10 comments:

  1. Ah, yes. Lessons learned. I am familiar. Good write, this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Searing, Barry. The repetition adds such an emotional intensity to this piece. Thanks for joining in for this prompt...great to have you here :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I echo the sentiments above, such raw intensity flows through this piece.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh yes. So scary when yo're bitten by that bug, to use and be used maybe. Good to learn though, there are those that never do.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love. This.
    The sense of urgency, of need, of knowing it's a mistake but doing it anyway, the urge to chase after something/someone that can never give you what you need.
    Fantastic.
    And I'm so glad you learned that you are worth so much more.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You know, we hear so much about men "using" women. It can work both ways, as can domestic abuse.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I admire the brutal honesty and realization of the folly of one's sins ~ The descent to self-destruction can be fast until we learn from our mistakes and carve a new journey ~

    Enjoyed this one Barry ~

    ReplyDelete
  8. Part confessional, part self-depricating, but reeking with honesty dripping madly! Very, very Barry! Outstanding!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sadly life is a bitch
    for so many folks
    and of curse that
    works in both his or her
    wayS in balance sex IS A
    Joy and a consensual
    play of Love..
    out of desperation
    when the heARt dies
    iN Stress a desperate
    need with no holds barred..
    i watch the play
    every Thursday
    niGht in Bars
    i have Love so
    i play in Love
    and never domination
    out of desperation my FriEnd
    but sure i've seen the darKer
    side to oF iT aLL out of
    Balance.. to escape noW
    back is
    nothing
    less than
    Heaven free.. sAdly
    watching others fall
    prey to the desperation
    of need to feel anything aT aLL..:)

    ReplyDelete
  10. The thing about opening one's eyes is that it can be dazzling and difficult to see initially. I think you convey that here.

    ReplyDelete