Thursday, February 12, 2015

For My Valentine

For My Valentine

She lingers on a laughing line
Like ripened fruit strung on the vine
The party favors her wide grin
While coveting my valentine

She radiates the joy within
Photonic pleasure warms the skin
Some stars grow jealous of her light
But she just shrugs and laughs again

The tulips all lunge at her sight
Her two lips curl with coy delight
I offer orchids for her hand
Our lips converge before twilight

Valentine shines as smiles expand
She dances on my desert sand
Oasis springs from graying land
And I prosper on demand
*** 




*** 

Written for dVerse Meeting the Bar: Frost’s Form – Stopping By Woods. While I looked forward to trying a form made famous by Robert Frost, I'm not crazy about the results. The sentiment behind creating my poem is genuine, but the process felt like creating a poem from inside a telephone booth, and the end result feels clunky... even somewhat corny. Meh, perhaps it will grow on me.

Go here to read other dVerse poets as they give this form a whirl. 

24 comments:

  1. So timely.. Love all the flowers in this Barry.. but even more "photonic pleasure" .. that one made me smile.

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    1. Thank you, Björn. Glad to make you smile, especially since I admire your writing so much.

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  2. I don't know if it's clunky, but I think it is very sweet and mushy, and it made me smile. It also made me feel all sweet on my fellow, who was kind of a grumpy dickhead when he left for work tonight, so my marriage is in better shape for reading your poem.

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    1. Thank you, Heidi. I'm humbled and glad to have helped your marriage in any way, no matter how small. The poem is starting to grow on me a bit.

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  3. It also oddly delights me that Bjorn and I were reading this at the same time Roll Tide!.

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  4. I am smiling at the end with :And I prosper on demand ~

    I can relate to writing to form as sometimes the words can seem corny with the rhyming scheme ~ But it comes out sweet and romantic, smiles ~

    Enjoy our Valentine weekend ~ Grace

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    1. Thank you Grace. I think I was trying to fit so much into such a tight space that I scowled at what I perceived as failure. But maybe it does convey what I tried to say.

      You enjoy our Valentine weekend as well. :)

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  5. a love poem
    written in a telephone booth
    is so romantic and that is proof
    clunky and chunky it well may be
    but the sentiments sigh
    like the wind in the trees
    she dances on your desert sand
    and takes you softly by the hand
    leading you to shangri-la
    you know it's really not that far

    Happy Valentines Day !



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    1. Awww! Thank you, Cressida! You have me at a disadvantage. I'll need to write you a poem now! :)

      Happy VD!

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  6. the tulips all lunge at her sight...ha...a fav line for sure....smiles...
    i feel you on the feel of it...i struggled the same way with mine but i think you did a nice job with it...you convey the depth of love for her...and it does not get campy....

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    1. Thanks, Brian. I was certainly worried about camp!

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  7. Perfect..thank you. I like this as tribute. It works well as a love song and this was full of fresh images and as true as you were to the iambic tetrameter and the rhyme scheme, you gave it a jazz feel with your phrases and images and then plop (and without heraldry) that big caesura on the last line to insert the double entendre full of innuendo. Excellent. I hope you found this piece personallly satisfying because I did!

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    1. Thank you Beachanny. I consider Robert Frost one of the Untouchable Gods. I wanted to do his form justice and craft a piece that he would've appreciated. So when I say that my work feels corny, I'm comparing my words with his and... hell yeah... compared to him, my stuff will probably always come up short.

      You know, when I was in 7th grade, my regular english teacher was battling cancer and had to take a leave of absence (she beat it). Her substitute didn't need to advance our curriculum, because the regular teacher powered us through before leaving. With nothing but time on her hands, our sub began exposing us to poetry. Stopping By Woods was one of the first poems I ever heard. It's probably one of the early threads that compelled me down this path. That's probably why I was so hard on myself with this attempt.

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  8. smiles.. a lovely valentines poem.. so i hope you gonna read it to her?

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    1. Thanks Claudia. I demanded that she read it immediately. She made me wait. Typical. :)

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  9. A wonderful valentine's poem! She will definitely smile her big smile........love the name of your blog, by the way, it made me smile.

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    1. Thank you, Sherry. I came up with the name via a mock WWE wrestling promo rant. (You had to be there.)

      http://inevitabletruth.blogspot.com/2007/11/and-so-come-on-in-where-nightmares-are.html

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  10. Beautifully done - a pleasure to read.
    Anna :o]

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    1. Thanks Anna. It's growing on me!

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  11. The tulips all lunge at her sight
    Her two lips curl with coy delight... love that. Writing this form felt a bit corny to me, as well... but it does grow on you; plus, nothing wrong with a bit of corniness, right? haha... nice write.

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    1. Thanks Anthony. I don't think the form is corny, as it's coming from one of poetry's OG's... but I thought my effort was corny.

      But hey, no one said it sucks, so what the hell do I know, right? :)

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  12. I love the first line! Each one, in fact, sets up the image of a happy couple. The last stanza is very touching. Well done.

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  13. Very sweet -- great form. Fun read - thanx

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