Thursday, June 19, 2014

Stoney Clues

Stoney Clues

My mother showed me how to lead
Her voice was peace, her eyes were soft
I am the leader, following
The trail for clues to leave behind

The Titans devoured their seeds
Before they sprouted into gods
I am the undigested stone
Rhea fed Cronus, sparing Zeus

My father showed me how to fight
His voice was stern, his eyes were harsh
I am the spearhead, shattering
The psychological cages

Some sullen fear surpassing sons
While fading into past shadows
I am the keeper, father’s flame
Made brighter by new budding light

My parents showed me how to love
Their voices bold, their eyes, of pride
I am their imperfect vessel
Imperfectly leaving their clues.

Written for dVerse Poets: Meeting the Bar ~ Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. Other talented poets are participating. Read their work here.

15 comments:

  1. I admire the use of "I am.." undigested stone, spear head, keeper, imperfect vessel ~ When parents show love, children follow even though it may be imperfect in their eyes ~

    Thanks for your lovely comments in my blog ~ Wishing you happy weekend ~

    Grace

    ReplyDelete
  2. nice subtle job on the repetition...and some fine play on myth as well..
    keeper of the flame...i am glad they taught you love...
    we are all imperfect vessels...all in what we do with it eh? smiles.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Are you Thor, or Hercules, villain or hero? Or just the poetic protagonist who dips his quill into legend & myth; did like the subtle use of repetition; the title made me flash on Loki.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow, powerful--love the way the last 2 lines sum up.

    ReplyDelete
  5. love the honest expression...the repetition is great so is the use of myth here...very nice lines :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think it is good that you appreciate the contribution of both of your parents towards your shaping. Imperfect vessel is not a description I would have used
    I am their midnight Orpheus
    Leaving their starshine clues
    Lighting up the dark
    In search of my Eurydice


    I would have used.Some Greek god Adonis perhaps , leaving crystal clues

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my. Those are really good lines! I guess I was trying to find the right balance between mythology and my own reality. I was fearful of veering too far into something that could be considered a bit esoteric. But your lines work extremely well and they don't detract at all from what I was trying to convey.

      I still have much to learn. :)

      Delete
  7. I am their midnight Orpheus
    Leaving their star shine clues
    In search of my Eurydice

    You are much more than their imperfect vessel:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I don't mind saying that I'm blushing like an idiot right now. :)

      Delete
  8. This is a poem with good rhythm and a really good use and variation of several repeated phrases.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stoney clues - I can remember working in a shamanic workshop with "stone-reading" - and it was amazing the truths those stones held. My sense is you've read the stone and this piece here holds a truth of you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really enjoyed the blending of myth in this great poem, Barry...that whole sense of repetition, not only in the well-constructed poem you have written, but also in the life truths expressed in myth and lived out in our own lives.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love the way you mix repetitions and also mythological references.. very nice cadence in your words.

    ReplyDelete
  12. A lovely form, used to good effect. I found the poem moving in its reminiscences.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I really like the use of mythology and the tender acceptance of your parents.

    ReplyDelete