Saturday, April 06, 2013

A Valediction: of Nothing

A Valediction: of Nothing

You go on without me
I will not mourn, nor will I weep
No tears will fall, though I love you more
It all billows and flows to nothing

In my earliest memories
You said I was less than nothing
I believed you and it was true

Told me I was too small for sport
Too dim for brilliance
Too ugly for consideration
Too inarticulate for speech
When I believed you then
Those things were all woven into truth
Crystallized into this ream like frost
On my windowpane, frozen and
Incapable of opening to new truths

But you go ahead without me
I will not follow, nor will I lead
I have no interest in bitterness or regret
It loses all cohesion and flows to nothing

It was only yesterday when
You said I was aging
And would soon return to nothing  
I believe you and it may be true

I am slower than the day before
Tomorrow, I’ll move even slower
Thoughts will be tougher to compose
Skin will grow more wrinkled
My under-bite will grow more pronounced
Screwing my face into a caricature
While developing an equally comical lisp
To go with that stuttering problem

But hey, go on ahead without me
Your companionship I cannot bare
I love you and your gilded truth,
But it is now worth less than nothing

The blood coursing through these veins
Comes from slaves and slave masters
And are of court jesters and kings
Surely this is more than nothing
Men of science have decoded
DNA evidence that we all share
This very same nothingness
Sinewy, skilled Roman gladiators
Some fought for nothing,
But they all still fought

Great men of the twentieth century
Fought for their beliefs
And were violently silenced
And for what purpose?
So that you could have the right
To walk beside me and silence me
Without as much as a raised fist?
Who are you, who has come from nothing
To tell me that I am worth nothing?

In spite of all this, I still love you
As fiercely and deeply as I love myself
But I cannot walk in your path
And live in your truth any longer

Let us embrace for a final time
I will inhale the sum of your fears
Your doubts will burn my lungs
Your self-hatred will sting my skin
And your truth will cloud my mind

Then I will pause,
Contemplating my own truth
And I will exhale you into
The nothingness form which you came.

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