Sunday, November 04, 2007

"...AND SO COME ON IN, WHERE NIGHTMARES ARE THE BEST PART OF MY DAYS..."

OK, so I know this video is an oldie, but as far as motivational speaking goes, it always puts a smile on my face. View this at your own risk, but please, don't try to eat, drink, or be discreet while watching. You've been warned.



Man... that's classic maniacal shit right there. I've watched that clip repeatedly, and I can never seem to stop myself from laughing and spewing beer everywhere.

But you know what? If I ever manage to strike it rich, I'm totally answering my last helpdesk phonecall like the Ultimate Warrior.

I'll be all like, "WHAT DO YOUR PUNY COMPUTER PROBLEMS HAVE TO DO WITH THE SKELETONS IN MY CLOSET THAT DANCE AS THE RAVEN CALLS DERISIVELY FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS OF THE SHATTERED REMNANTS OF MY BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS THAT SCREAM 'NO MAS' LIKE ROBERTO DURAN AS CASSIUS CLAY STRUCK SONNY LISTON LIKE A PISTON VERSUS PACER MALICE AT THE PALACE OF THE ANCHOR IN MY COCK-BONE OF DESIRE? YOU KNOW YOU CAN NEVER SLAY THE DRAGON WITHOUT YOUR SHINY BLUE PILL FOR YOUR DYSFUNCTION THAT REMAINS YOUR MALFUNCTION WHILE I POUND MY WENCH-HOLSTER INTO SUBMISSION ONLY TO TURN MY BROWN WEASEL TOWARDS YOUR NEGLECTED COMPANION AND RIP HER IN TWINE AND TEAR HER ASSBONES ASUNDER AS HER G-SPOT IS FED UNTO OBLIVION. I'VE TASTED HER SHATTERED REMAINS! I'VE CONQUERED HER CASTLE! I'VE HUNG HER FROM THE BATTLEMENTS AS BATTLECATS CLAWED AT MY EYES BEFORE THEY WERE DISINTEGRATED BY ONE MINUTE SAMPLING OF MY PIMP JUICE! MY LIBIDO WEARS A TUXEDO AND. IT. THIRSTS. FOR. MOOOORRREEE!!"

Yeah... that would be the move.

4 comments:

  1. Gee Thanks! I've been trying to fix that computer problem up for ages and that worked just dandy!


    Seriously. What the ???? is he on about?

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  2. dude... "tear her assbones?"

    i'm dying. lol...

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  3. I that man for real?! WTH was he saying anyway?

    I think you'd do a better job!

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  4. Yes, you should DEFINITELY say that to your next caller. DEFINITELY.

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